Why Do People – and Christians – Get Married?
A question came up recently in a campus Q&A: Why do people still get married, even when so many marriages fail?
It’s a good question. But first, ask yourself: why do you think people—Christian or not—get married?
Why Do People Get Married?
With a few additions, here are some reasons students gave:
Status – approval from family or society
Rite of passage – a step into adulthood
Love – you can’t help it, baby
Cultural norm – “It’s just expected”
Loneliness – looking for companionship
Security – financial, emotional, practical (someone said: to get free food!)
To have kids – in what’s seen as a stable setting
‘Moral’ sex – intimacy without guilt
Are those reasons strong enough to get married, and to stay married? Even love, sounds good – but we all know that those falling into love, can just as easily fall out of it. So, I am still interested that overall, even with high divorce rates, people continue to pursue marriage—sometimes more than once.
And I can’t help but wonder whether there is some unconscious pull towards a deeper reality than our presenting reasons give? One where somehow we’re drawn to marriage as something God-given. And even if people don’t acknowledge God or even follow a religion that isn’t from the true God, they still feel the pull. Could that be why marriage continues? Even in a world that is itself broken, as our broken marriages can exemplify.
The Christian view of marriage
Christians see marriage as a gift from God. Marriage wasn’t our idea; it isn’t merely cultural. It’s God given. In Genesis 2, He gives the first woman to the first man. It shows the origin: marriage is from God. And this gift is a space for deep union, for children, and for displaying the good news of life with God. Let’s break that down.
1. It’s the Setting for Union
Marriage is given so that a man and a woman—equal but different—can give themselves wholly to each other. Not just physically, but in all of life.
And the sex here is both an expression, and a right result of the union. One that by itself, can rightly be enjoyed – also as God-given.
2. It’s the Context for Children
Out of that context of union, and of sex , marriage then is also the context for the possibility of children. The possibility, not a promise of children!
But even that possibility belongs inside marriage. Too many know how hard it is to grow up without both parents around. And we salute the single parents doing double-duty—but we can still say: God’s design is for kids to flourish within stable, loving marriages.
3. It’s a Picture of the Gospel
Ephesians 5 tells us marriage reflects Jesus’ relationship with the church. Here:
A husband mirrors Christ, lovingly serving his wife.
A wife mirrors the church, lovingly responding to her husband.
So Christian marriage is for much more than many of those reasons listed at the start. It’s a witness (and so, dependant on God – and don’t those of us married know this too well!) to the good news of deep relationship with God through Jesus.
Can Christians Marry for the Wrong Reasons?
Yes, absolutely. Christians can—and do—get married for poor reasons:
To silence the nagging of parents
Because “everyone else is”
To escape loneliness
Or, to just have sex
Let’s talk about that last one. Because it is slightly tricky.
Sex is good. It’s God’s idea. He’s not embarrassed by it. He created us with sexual desires, and made sex for marriage. He knows the birds and the bees better than any of us. This is from him. In that sense, it is right then for physical intimacy to be a part of why we want to get married. And a marriage will naturally and healthily so, have sex present.
But! If sex is the main reason someone gets married, that can be dangerous.
Why? Because sex won’t always be possible—or satisfying. Illness, stress, physical limitations—all these things can impact the sex life of a married couple. Sometimes for seasons, sometimes unfortunately in extreme cases, forever. None of that is ideal because sex can and should ordinarily be present in a healthy marriage. But, it happens.
And so then, here is the danger. If sex is the foundation for a marriage, and it falters, the whole marriage can crumble.
However – as good as sex in marriage is or can be – Christian marriage rests primairly not on sex, but on vows—on promises. Promises, under God, to one another that have the enjoyment of sex when possible (normally) added in. But it’s not the centrality. It’s not what makes marriage, marriage per se. There is more to say here, further nuance about the right place of sex in marriage. But the main point I’m interested in making here is that marriage isn’t just about sex.
So Why Do Christians Get Married?
Ideally, Christians who choose marriage do it recognising it as a good gift from God. One for deep self-giving intimacy, as the right context for raising children (if God grants them), and for modeling the news of Jesus.
When Christians understand this, they enter marriage not as a mere escape from loneliness or as a tick-box for adulthood, or for any other subpar reasons—but as much more.
And they then also continue in marriage deeply conscious of their continued need for God’s grace, even in this gift.
Further articles on sex and marriage:
Does God Care Who I Sleep With?
Everyone Places Limits On Sex – Not Just Christians.
If marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman, then why is there so much polygamy in the Bible?