Forgive and Forget? Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you
- Ephesians 4:32
‘Forgive and forget’.
You have probably heard of that saying before. While a lot of people say it, I think we can all agree that it is easier said than done. Lately, I have been deeply challenged by the subject of true forgiveness, in light of God’s mercies in Christ. Jesus’ love is so pure and perfect. The Father lovingly gave His Son to die in our place, and the Son freely laid down His life for us. Jesus died on the cross that our sins may be forgiven, that we may be cleansed of all unrighteousness and be reconciled to God. There is no greater love than this. In saving us and making us His children, God also predestined us to be conformed into the image of His dear Son. If we are to reflect who Jesus is, then surely forgiveness should be named as one of the characteristics we possess as followers of Christ. Our lives should be marked by the forgiveness we have so experienced in Him
Just like any other godly and righteous thing to do, forgiveness is hard. It is not in our nature to forgive. We are not born with the desire to extend mercy and grace. Instead, we are quick to point at people’s wrongdoing, we never miss the opportunity of pointing out that we have been treated unfairly. We dare not give up being right. We constantly play that encounter over and over in our minds, and we would rather hold on to anger and unforgiveness. We become so busy harbouring anger and bitterness, to the point where we forget that we ourselves have been forgiven. Psalm 130:3 says, “If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who would stand?” Imagine your life without God’s forgiveness, imagine what would happen if God counted all your sins against you. You would not stand, neither would I. If we truly comprehend the utter holiness of God and the sinfulness of our sin, we would wake up each day and marvel upon God’s forgiveness towards us. Forgiveness costed God His Son, therefore it will definitely cost us something as well.
While the aspect of forgiveness is hard, but should not forgiven people also forgive?
One of the many things I love about God is that when He calls us to do something, He also grants us the grace to do it. None of us can love like Him, but He has given us His Holy Spirit to be our constant help. We must first pray and ask God to expose the root of our unforgiveness. Whatever it is that is hindering us to forgive, we must submit to God. Sometimes we hold on to unforgiveness because it makes us feel in control of the situation, the power to act lies with us and therefore we no longer feel like the smaller person who was hurt. But unforgiveness is a sign of a poor soul, a soul that has not yet experienced the richness of God’s forgiveness.
“For you, Lord, are kind and ready to forgive, abounding in faithful love to all who call on you” (Psalm 86:5), if a holy God is always ready to forgive, how is it even possible for us to withhold our forgiveness? We are forgiven because an innocent Savior was counted among the guilty, and our sins were laid upon Him. Should we also not forgive those who sin against us?
We live in a fallen world. It is certain that we will hurt each other. However, it is also worth remembering that no offense committed against us compares to the way we have offended God through our sin. I sincerely do not mean to downplay any act of injustice, harm, violence, abuse or any other evil that you may have experienced in your life. Often times as Christians we find ourselves on either side of two extremes. Either we do not want to forgive at all, or we fall into despair and self-condemnation. “What kind of a Christian am I? Why am I so offended and broken?” It is okay to grieve and mourn over the hurt and betrayal, but it does not end there, we must forgive. Some people will not give a proper apology when they wrong you, and some people will not even ask for your forgiveness at all. And yet we are still called to forgive. When we forgive we must remember the forgiveness that was extended to us through the gospel. A forgiveness that is not cold or easily irritable towards the offender, a forgiveness that prays for the offender, a forgiveness that does not keep any record of the offense. To forgive is to die to self.
We often hear that ‘unforgiveness is a prison’ I pray that you would break loose from that prison of pain. Not only is unforgiveness a prison, but it dishonors God. If God is always ready to forgive you every time you call upon Him, then surely you can also forgive the person you are keeping at arm’s length. It is not easy, but it is possible. If you are truly struggling with unforgiveness, I pray that the good Lord would continue to pursue your heart and heal you of your brokenness. Forgive others, as God has forgiven you in Christ Jesus.
