Friendship

What comes to your mind when you hear the word friendship? There are many terms we use when we talk about friendship—terms such as Mnge, oe, maE, chommie, mnganami, mate, etc. The Bible has a very high view of friendship. Let’s look at a couple of verses that talk about friendship. I am mainly focusing on the friendship between David and Jonathan.

Friendship Between David and Jonathan

1 Samuel 18:1–4
“After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day, Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic and even his sword, his bow, and his belt.”

2 Samuel 1:26
“I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.”

David’s remark here does not carry any sexual overtones, but he is referring to Jonathan's self-denial in giving up his right to the throne in Israel. Instead, he gave his absolute support to David as the Lord’s chosen one to succeed his father Saul (1 Samuel 23:17).

In this friendship, there is something in David that Jonathan finds admirable, and vice versa. There is a depth and mutuality in this friendship. Let us look at some of the elements in this friendship.

Mutual Commitment

David and Jonathan became one in spirit, and it is also stated twice that David loved his friend—in verses 1 and 3 of 1 Samuel 18. The unity of spirit and depth of love between David and Jonathan is striking between people of the same gender, which some have interpreted as a sexual romantic relationship. This is not true, as we do not hear that in the Bible. The key to their friendship is not the unity of bodies but the unity of spirit.

Sacrificial Love

In 1 Samuel 18:3, we see that Jonathan gives the best he has and does not spare or give leftovers. The robe and sword are symbolic of his status and role. David, in accepting the gift, is humbling himself and honoring Jonathan.
Jonathan takes the initiative and is not threatened or jealous of David’s achievements on the battlefield. This love that Jonathan had for David is sacrificial, and he helps David escape from the anger of his father, Saul, and saves David’s life. In doing this, he assists David in becoming king and loses his own title to the throne.

Openness and Honesty

David and Jonathan’s friendship had its difficulties, as Saul, Jonathan’s father, wanted to kill David since he was threatened by his rise. Jonathan and David had to speak honestly about this (1 Samuel 19:1–7). Honesty is the hallmark of real friendship. Friendship does not mean that there won't be any difficult moments or conflicts, or that you must always avoid conflict. But true friendship withstands conflict, and it proves itself in the resolution of the conflict.

Service

Friendship involves serving each other, as we see when David had a conflict with Saul, Jonathan’s father, but Jonathan was willing to do whatever David said (1 Samuel 20:4). Jonathan’s willingness to do whatever David needs him to do is a mark of true friendship. He does not set conditions to help him; he simply offers to do whatever his friend requires—within reason, of course.

God-Centeredness

The story of David and Jonathan keeps repeating a theme that is God-centered, as several times it mentions that they had sworn friendship together before the Lord (1 Samuel 18:3, 20:17, 20:42). They are accountable to God for their friendship and are willing for God to judge them if they do not keep His word.
They are conscious that God plays a role in their friendship, and they are concerned to see that God’s role and plan are central and furthered in their lives.

Jesus and Friendship

This is what the New Testament says about friendship in John 15:12–15:
“My command is this: love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

For Jesus, the example He used to demonstrate love is that He used friends as an analogy to His disciples—that they should love one another to the point of sacrificing their lives for each other. Friendship with Jesus is conditional, as we see in verse 14. He states clearly that He is friends with those who obey His command.

No greater dignity could be conferred upon us, or greater evidence of love shown to us, than Christ’s dying for us. Indeed, we are no longer servants but friends (verse 15): “I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” His truth shared is evidence of His love given.

This command is for those who are already in a relationship with God, as the disciples were. So, if you are not in a relationship with Jesus—that is, putting your faith and trust in Him—this is a good place to start. It is a very rewarding thing to be in a relationship with Jesus, as you move from being a servant to a friend.
It shows the close bond that you have with Him—that He no longer sees you as a servant; He moves you to being a friend.

Being a friend of Jesus is very exclusive, as He lets you know His business. Since you are no longer an outsider but a friend, you are privy to His business, which He reveals to you.
He reveals things to you that the Father has revealed to Him, so you are in a very privileged position. All that the Father has revealed, He reveals to us—available in the Bible. The Holy Spirit plays a vital role in revealing things in the Bible.
So, Jesus views friendship to be exclusive to those who have a relationship with Him. It is not available to everyone, but He opens the invitation to everyone.